imaginarycircus

Romney dropped out and I say HUZZA! But omg this:

“If I fight on in my campaign, all the way to the convention, I would forestall the launch of a national campaign and make it more likely that Senator Clinton or Obama would win. And in this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign, be a part of aiding a surrender to terror,” he said during the conference.

Yes. That old chestnut. A vote for the democratic party is a vote for terrorists. Right. I'm a liberal democrat and I have Al Quaida operatives hiding in my bathroom because I want to see more American get hurt. Of course. I want people to have adequate health care, equal civil rights, and a good education. I'm made of EVIL!

You know what pisses me off about that idea? The hypocrisy. The fucking war has maimed, psychologically scarred, and killed more Americans than terrorists have. We're just beginning to experience the fallout of the war. Soldiers can't get adequate psychiatric help when they come home. What is it? 30,000 vets who are missing limbs now? There are hundreds of documented cases of vets coming home and murdering people now.

I'm glad Romney is out. But frankly a vote for anyone who supports the war is supporting terror. We're inflicting it on ourselves now. We're damaging our young men and women and then not taking proper care of them. And we have fucked up our economy beyond reason. We're running a war we can't afford, and cutting taxes? How does that work?

If I run up my credit card beyond its limit buying shoes and then take all my cash and give it to orphans -- I'm fucked. We all are.

Let me explain. Philip Pullman said that he likes to tell people "he writes" when they ask what he does. He likes it to be a verb. He does not like to say, "I am a writer." He has good reasons for his preference. I really admire his ideas about this and have been sort of following his example for a long time. I rarely say "I am a writer" unless I am making fun of myself. But I realized am also pandering to my own insecurities when I steer clear of stating exactly who and what I am. It makes me uncomfortable to say "I am a writer" because I am still getting started and I am not terribly successful and I very slow. I feel like I need to produce a stack of publications in order to say "I am a writer" with any confidence.

I have low self confidence. I am kind of afraid of seeming arrogant so I try to step lightly around anything I think I may be good at. I'm also full of self doubt thanks to my parents and my upbringing. I'm full of self doubt because I have depression and anxiety. When my podiatrist asked me today what I do and I said, 'I'm writing" I winced because it sounded so vague. I don't need more vague in my life right now.

I just got off the phone with my agent and she said three times, "I WANT THAT YA NOVEL!" I love her and I always feel more confident after chatting with her.

It dawned on me that I am writing pretty regularly these days. I need to own what I am doing. I'm not being arrogant or lying when I say I am a writer. Maybe some day when I have real publications and am brimming with self confidence I can casually say, "Yeah, I write."

I'm just worried that I will never finish anything, or anything I do finish will go nowhere. Only I have to ignore my self doubt. *ignores*

I'm a writer! :D

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