imaginarycircus

I started watching the This American Life TV show Ira Glass did for Showtime. Holy crow. With images the show becomes even crazier and more emotional and more disturbing. I just watched the third episode about a guy making a documentary about his mom and his step dad and how crazy they are. It was kind of cool because I like to see families who make my family life seem almost normal--or at least not as weird and different as I'd feared it was.

My stepdad and I had a joke growing up--my mom was "certifiable" meaning crazy. Because she was. She was also smarter than both of us, which made it tricky. She could be manic and anxious and say insane things and a short while later could solve a Saturday NYTs crossword or make an amazing dinner or sew quilts and dresses and it was impossible to tell if you were about to deal with the crazy mother who said crazy things or the smart one who did amazing things or the depressed one who could not get up off the couch for days or leave the house.

And my stepdad... drugs. Lots of drugs.

But the thing was that my parents sort of hid their crazy. Not well. Everyone knew it was there. But we lived in one of the wealthiest suburbs of NYC and they always had recent model Volvos. My stepdad worked for IBM for 39 years--wore a Brooks Brother's suit to work every day. They got by somehow. The family in that third episode did not even try to hide their insanity. It was just OUT THERE. I'm both horrified and fascinated.

And I know all too well what it was like to be raised by people who were so terrified of failure that they never really did what they wanted to in life. They did not believe in themselves at all. I take sort of lukewarm comfort in my risk. I may never succeed, but it won't be for lack of trying.

And I guess that in itself is success. (Please forgive my Suicidal Tendencies subject line reference. Also in the last week I've seen kids wearing Black Flag and CRASS T-shirts. O_O)

I remember once hearing someone call into the food show that used to be on (and may still be on air) on WABC in NYC to announce that he and his wife managed to eat well on $25 a week. Apparently they ate a lot of brown rice and beans.

David and I try to keep our weekly trips to Whole Foods under $75 per trip and almost always fail especially when we run out of a bunch of staples at once. I recently ran out of olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and sherry vinegar all at once. There was a nice article in the Boston Globe years ago about shopping budgets. They made a grocery list and went to Trader Joe's, Whole Foods, and Star Market (Shaw's) and shopping at Whole Foods actually cost less than either of the other stores. Trader Joe's random inventory meant they didn't have a lot of things you might want to buy at any given time. It's just so easy to get into trouble at Whole Foods and buy really expensive stuff if you aren't careful. And because I am indulgent and ridiculous I often pick things up and David says," Put that down!" Occasionally I put the thing in the cart anyway and tell him too bad. But mostly I put the pricey stuff we don't need down.

My friend Cari is participating in an experiment 50bucksaweek, which I syndicated so I can read it here on my flist. She lives in Portland, and her friends are in Brooklyn and Kansas City and they are trying to shop and get buy on $50 a week for groceries (per adult) and still eat a healthy diet.

We have weeks that get busy--David is stuck at work late and he grabs something and I feel like crap and I don't bother eating dinner and our beautiful organic salad greens or veggies go bad until I throw them out feeling very guilty and wasteful. I have to stop doing that. I think I would feel slightly less guilty if we could compost, but I am not going to compost in our tiny apartment. Some day.