imaginarycircus

Off to see my grandmother. My brother is driving. And she will be confused about whether I am her daughter or granddaughter. She will ask me over and over what happened to my mother because she can't remember. But she seldom gets visits from her three living daughters and never from her son so she likes it when we visit. It's just so hard. But I'd rather do it and make the hole in my heart a little bigger than not.

But still. Ouch.

I had to pop an ativan two hours into my visit with my grandmother today. About the 30th time she asked me if I remembered "Papa" (aka my grandfather, except she was convinced he was my father and then when I said he wasn't my father, he was my grandfather--she asked me if she had only been married once. And I had to explain that yes, she'd only been married once, but my mother, her daughter, had been married twice. rinse, later, repeat, headache.)

There were a couple of a hilarious moments like when my grandmother insisted on giving my brother a check for the groceries he went out and bought her. And because she can't see (and my brother won't really take a check from her) he made it out for FOUR MILLION DOLLARS. And we laughed and laughed and my grandmother thought the check was for four thousand bucks and that made us laugh harder. She really can't see and my brother has terrible handwriting.

Then we were sitting politely in the living room talking when we heard the TV from my grandmother's bedroom making sounds of er, female pleasure. My brother and I exchanged alarmed looks, but then I realized it was When Harry Met Sally. And we kind of lost it again, but we couldn't explain it to my grandmother because she never understands about sex. Seriously. Once when she was in Germany with my mom they were looking at marzipan pigs and two of the pigs were humping and my grandmother was all wide eyed innocence and like "Oh, are they playing leap frog?" When my mother plainly said they were having sex--my grandmother was like, "I don't think so. That can't be right."

Photo of me and friends from college:



I am the one wearing the crown of flowers on the far right.

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