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imaginarycircus at 11:31pm on 23/09/2012
imaginarycircus at 11:31pm on 23/09/2012September 24th always looms large in my mind because it's the day my mother died sixteen years ago and it's the day I officially delurked and started an LJ ten years ago.
Ten years is such a neat measure--meaning it's tidy and there is something satisfying about measuring things by the decade. Oddly I'll have been with David for ten years come the end of October. Apparently 2002 was a big year for me to rejoin the human race after hiding from it for a while.
As anyone who knows me knows--my relationship with my mother was complicated. I loved her and I still do. I miss her terribly. There are so many things that I wish I could share with her or tell her about. But the woman was 110% certifiable. She could be maddening, difficult, and irrational. She had bipolar ii and severe anxiety, especially agoraphobia. For all that she drove me crazy she was also one of the smartest people I've ever met. Her mind was incredibly quick, except for poetry. For some reason she had a mental block about poetry and I always had to explain to her what poems meant. Her sense of humor was both whimsical and twisted. Measure the distance between the apple and the tree. No one is surprised.
As for ten years posting at LJ... IDEK. This has been a wonderful outlet for me as well as a fabulous vehicle for discussion. I've met so many lovely people over the years, people who are my friends outside of this space. I'm so grateful for that that it's easy to overlook the truly horrible moments of internet drama and fandom implosions.I'm mostly just incredible grateful that I can ramble on and navel gaze here and I never feel like I'm just muttering into the ether. I know someone somewhere is reading my words and that's incredibly comforting, especially on a night like tonight when I'm especially introspective and more than a little sad.
Ten years is such a neat measure--meaning it's tidy and there is something satisfying about measuring things by the decade. Oddly I'll have been with David for ten years come the end of October. Apparently 2002 was a big year for me to rejoin the human race after hiding from it for a while.
As anyone who knows me knows--my relationship with my mother was complicated. I loved her and I still do. I miss her terribly. There are so many things that I wish I could share with her or tell her about. But the woman was 110% certifiable. She could be maddening, difficult, and irrational. She had bipolar ii and severe anxiety, especially agoraphobia. For all that she drove me crazy she was also one of the smartest people I've ever met. Her mind was incredibly quick, except for poetry. For some reason she had a mental block about poetry and I always had to explain to her what poems meant. Her sense of humor was both whimsical and twisted. Measure the distance between the apple and the tree. No one is surprised.
As for ten years posting at LJ... IDEK. This has been a wonderful outlet for me as well as a fabulous vehicle for discussion. I've met so many lovely people over the years, people who are my friends outside of this space. I'm so grateful for that that it's easy to overlook the truly horrible moments of internet drama and fandom implosions.I'm mostly just incredible grateful that I can ramble on and navel gaze here and I never feel like I'm just muttering into the ether. I know someone somewhere is reading my words and that's incredibly comforting, especially on a night like tonight when I'm especially introspective and more than a little sad.